No parent likes to deal with their kid’s rejection. It hurts, it bites, it stings. In some cases, your student and you have invested countless hours (and maybe even money) in getting them ready to be accepted to their dream university, that highly-competitive academic or professional program, that super cool internship in a big city, or that too-good-to-be-true first job that will most likely set them up for a fulfilling career.
We know, though, that sometimes those first wins really don’t pan out the way we fantasize. Instead, the dream university becomes too far away, too expensive, or just not the right fit. And the too-good-to-be-true first job turns into a highly competitive, stressful experience that leaves people burned out. If only we had a crystal ball to see into the future! Perhaps we would not be so disappointed.
If you want to help your student through times in which they may not get what they really wanted, here are a few tips to help them (and you) put the experience into perspective and bounce back.
- Realize that it’s not you, it’s them. In some cases, your student is being rejected because of other factors that have nothing to do with their qualifications. I mean this not in terms of discrimination, but in terms of what the institution or organization needs or thinks would be ideal. For example, an internship slot that is reserved for accounting majors may not accept an applicant who is a finance major.
- If rejected, try again. If there is an opportunity to reapply or try out again, consider getting feedback (if your student can) and make changes before reapplying especially if the opportunity or experience is important to the student. If the experience will be too stressful (and not necessary for long-term success), coach your student to try something else that would be a good alternative.
- Stay open to something better. In some cases, getting rejected from an internship or job may turn into an opportunity to do something different that is equally helpful. In the words of Friends character Ross, you may have to learn to “PIVOT!” In other cases, going with a more “mundane” option can still help your student build the skills they need to get the next opportunity.
- Use the experience as part of the story. While it may feel a little maudlin to say this, but being rejected or disappointed may be an interesting plot point in the story of your life. All heroes have setbacks and those setbacks often provide the fuel for success. It may take a few months or years to put the rejection into perspective, but coaching your student about looking ahead and using the experience as a plot twist can help them handle the disappointment.
- Find a mentor. If your student needs advice that you cannot give, encourage them to find a mentor in the field who can help them get the feedback they need and share with them alternative pathways to the same final destination.
Want to hear the whole conversation? Laurie Hazard and I talk about the conversations you can have with your student if this happens to them.
