I have been good, really I have. I text my college freshman every few days and I only see her briefly when I get to attend one of her local soccer games. I thought I was doing great not hovering until she told me that I was texting too much. Really? Three texts a week is too much? Oh, boy, I am going to have to rethink my strategy.
While I want to give her some space, I also know that this time of the term (about 1/3 of the way in) is a good time to take stock, ask questions–real ones, and get a good sense of whether or not things are going well. This means, that we parents need to check in. Not just a quick text, but the opportunity to really find out how it is going.
Checking in means checking on a few things that I, as a college educator, see firsthand with my students. Here are just a few things you may want to ask your student:
- How is the roommate? Many of my students report that they are still negotiating living with another person. Those who are having difficulty say that it is because their schedules are not in sync or they have different sleeping habits or tolerance for cleanliness. This is a good time to remind your student to attempt to work through the conflict on their own first; they can always reach out to staff on campus, usually a Resident Assistant, should they need help with the conversation.
- How are you feeling physically? Any sniffles? Sore throats? Mysterious rashes? Your student may have already experienced an illness–many of my students have gotten a cold–and may have learned how to get them help the help they need. If not, remind your student when and where to go when they have something more than a sneeze. And, yes, remind them to drink plenty of water, get enough sleep, and eat healthful foods regularly. I find myself saying the same when a student tells me they are not feeling well.
- How are doing in your classes and how do you know? Your student will most likely not want you to worry if they feel a little anxious about a grade or a class. That is normal. So ask how they know what their grades are or ask what kinds of specific feedback they have gotten so far. Even high-achieving students may stumble a bit early on or have difficulty figuring out their grades. If they confess that they are not doing as well as they had hoped, ask them what resources have they planned to use to get back on track? When my daughter told me she was not happy with her first test grade, she assured me that she was going to talk to the professor about what she could do differently (Proud mother moment!).
- What are you doing for fun? Well, maybe you don’t want to hear it all, but it is worth asking them how they are socializing and balancing their academics with something fun. College should be a time for both, right? Depending on your student, you may want to encourage them to take advantage of those free events and ask someone to go with them. I bet if your student is not the only one who wants to make more friends.
- How are you feeling mentally? Do they feel they “got this” or do they feel overwhelmed and at a loss for how to get back in control of their schedule? This could be a good time to remind them of counseling or mentoring services that may be available should they need someone to help them get organized or motivated to dig in and get their work done. It is normal to have ups and downs the during the term. There will be times of stress and times of release (usually right after the last final exam!). They will need to ride that wave or get help if they are struggling.
I cannot guarantee that your student will open up and tell you everything, but at the very least, you have brought up topics with them they can think about and seek help for should they need it. Now, to find a way to give my college freshman a little more space….
